Last night I went to an Ethiopian Restaurant in the Uptown area of Chicago called Demera Ethiopian Restaurant. I've had the take-out at this restaurant, but this was my first time dining in. The restaurant was founded in 2007 by two Ethiopia natives Tigist Reda and Girmai Lemma who wanted to bring a taste of their homeland to Chicago. Reda is also a chef at the restaurant. 

Yesterday on Facebook, I came across a video of a young sixteen year old girl named Nia Green who was being beat by her mother in a viral video. The young lady had taken photos of herself and, I'm assuming, her boyfriend in towels as if they just got out of the shower together. First off, I definitely think the photos were totally inappropriate. She's only sixteen, way too young and inexperienced for assumed sexual activity, and to be posting a photo like that as if she's an adult. Let's not leave the young man out either, he's also too young. What I found disturbing was video of her mother repeatedly hitting her, punching her, cursing at her. It made me cringe when she kept calling her daughter a "hoe" and a "thot". Again this is only an assumption and I am NOT condoning Ms. Green's actions, but being sexually active does not equate to being a "hoe".

A lot of comments cheered the mother on because "these little girls act like thots" and "mama ain't raising no hoe", and they were troubling because as I stated, sexual activity does not equate to being a "hoe" and the majority of the commenters did not address the young man. As a matter of fact, I question if a boy was found out to have posted those pictures or been sexually active, would he had been put on blast like Nia was?

It's no secret that our overall society and some elements of Black culture is very anti-Black woman. Many of these ideas and behaviors towards women are internalized at an early age. While watching the video, the rhetoric Nia's mother spewed reminded me of the "fast tail girls" phenomenon. If you're from the South or have any knowledge of Southern sayings, "fast tail girls" alludes to the notion of a young girl (usually Black) who is presumed to be promiscuous and starving for male attention. The "fast tail girls" culture has gotten so tight, that if a young woman even does so much as wear a form fitting dress, get stares from grown men who have no business looking at her, or even do so much as hug a boy, she is accused of being "fast". I grew up with a few young ladies who were promiscuous as pre-teens and teens, later to find out that they had been molested and raped as little girls. Even the late, legendary poet Maya Angelou discussed in her iconic book "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" how she was raped by her mother's boyfriend at age seven and had a promiscuous stage in her life.

The "fast tail girls" culture is tightly connected with "victim blaming" and overall misogyny/misogynoir. What usually goes ignored or undetected about some of these so called "fast heifahs" who act out promiscuously is the abuse and trauma experienced (if they have experienced abuse or neglect). I am not stating that this is what happened with Nia Green, I do not know her nor do I know her mother, but this seems to be a trend of aggressive language towards girls, especially those who have been abused. As I wrote, Nia was definitely in the wrong and discipline is needed. But what none of the pro-mom adults were asking was what happened to Nia to get her to that point? It seems that the youth always get blamed and their environments and influences are never observed in regards to why their actions are performed.

As I wrote. some young women who do act out promiscuously have experienced some kind of abuse. Have you ever seen the 2004 T.D. Jakes produced film "Woman Thou Art Loosed"? Remember when the mom played by Loretta Divine accused her sexually assaulted daughter of lying on her boyfriend when she told her she was raped by him? This happens all too often. I've heard and read many stories of girls being raped or molested only to tell a family member and be accused of lying or only to have the attacker be protected. Sometimes this results in a "fast tailed girl". Some female victims of sexual abuse have stated since they were abused sexually as children, they might as well have sex recklessly.

Let's not forget that boys are victims of rape and molestation as well. The difference between assault on the boys and assault on the girls is that depending on who the attacker is, some people praise the boys' abuse. Let me give you an example. RandB singer Chris Brown detailed that his first sexual experience was at a shocking age of eight with a teenage girl. Lil' Wayne once bragged that he got "raped" at age eleven and he "loved it".

On the flip side, we have the recent incident with Afrika Bambaata who was alleged to have sexually assaulted boys in his neighborhood of the Bronx River Projects in the 1970's and 1980's. One victim, Poppy who alleged Bambaata abused him, detailed that he was also sexually abused by others and because of his experiences as a child, that caused him to take on a life of crime. Similar to the silencing of girl victims of sexual abuse, in the case of Afrika Bambaata, many residents of the Bronx River Projects stated that there had always been rumors of him allegedly abusing boys. This is not only disturbing but disappointing that we have an environment where some adults and elders are knowledgeable of the abuse some of the youth have faced, but continue to spew out this "bad ass kids" prose.

I looked on Nia's Facebook page and she has many inappropriate posts. I wouldn't dare act like my ratchet ass was an angel when I was sixteen, but I also can't pretend I don't see how wild some teens are online. Twerking videos, rocking booty shorts, dressed a bit too adult to be sixteen, a fight video where Nia laughed about being jumped by twenty girls. We don't know her situation or her mother, but we can assume that Nia was probably doing whatever she wanted to do and lacked adult supervision. This is not to place blame on the mother or bash her. She seems to be a single mother, young, and doing it on her own. Perhaps she's always working and doesn't have time to have quality mother-daughter time with Nia. I also saw a Father's Day post that Nia made questioning where her father was. We can make the assumption that because of the lack of a father, she is looking for male attention and validation online.

I am not here to tell parents how to raise their children, it's your prerogative like Bobby Brown, we get it, you "grown" and your children are yours, but I do think the video was not a good look. Some of these parent produced shaming videos that have flooded social media these past few years have resulted in bullying at school and sadly even suicide. I totally get it; you want to act a fool on social media, you will get embarrassed on social media. Perhaps it "works" with some children and backfires on others, but I still think it's getting out of hand although it does reveal the reality of parent-child dysfunction. Many people have even stated that some parents are looking for online fame, which could very well be a factor.

It's a big, hot pink ass elephant in the room that continuously reveals to us the reason why the youth are "out of control" and so many people refuse to address it. Generational dysfunction, mental illness, poverty, lack of community support, lack of communication, etc. Youth don't just come out of the womb looking to be out of control. Girls are not inherently "fast" or "hot asses". Their environments, life experiences, influences, and other factors add to their actions. I am not stating that Nia's mom is neglecting her, that she has not spoken to her about sex and social media, or that Nia should not take responsibility for her poor actions, but looking at some of the factors such as Nia's Facebook page and the way her mom was speaking to her, one can assume that she is not being guided or taught her value.I wish Nia and her mother the very best as well as any youth experiencing emptiness in their lives.

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Photo: VH1

You all know how much I love hip-hop and how much emphasis I place on the importance to uplift female emcees since they've been so underrepresented within the culture. VH1's Hip Hop Honors was a great way to honor some of the heavyweights of female hip-hop. The show payed homage to Queen Latifah, Lil' Kim, Missy Elliott, Salt 'N Pepa and plenty more women who stood their ground and paved the way.

Photo: VH1

One of my favorite performances was Lil' Kim's tribute performed by Teyana Taylor, Lil' Mama, and Dej Loaf. Electrifying and energetic. You can tell these girls, especially Teyana, did their thorough homework on Kim's style. Gather 'round children because this is a prime example of how it's supposed to be done. In an era where there's so much disconnect between older and younger rappers, to see these young women pay homage to Lil' Kim was amazing and well-deserved. No matter what controversy surrounds the Queen Bee, you can't say she hasn't impacted female rap in a major way.

Check out some of the hot performances below:

Photo: VH1

This was a great way to honor some of the most iconic trailblazers for women in hip-hop. I would actually love to see something bigger where more femcees can be honored because unfortunatelydue to the erasure of women within the culture, many people forget or are unaware of women like Roxanne Shante, Da Brat, Monie Love, Foxy Brown, MC Lyte, Bahamadia and so many more ladies who graced the mic with their rhymes. Hopefully this also happens more often as well.