T.I., Virginity, Hymens, and Why It Is All A Hot Ass Mess

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A few months ago, I was having a conversation with a few friends about how our culture and society does a great disservice to young girls by not preparing them for the realities of dating. On the contrary, girls' bodies are heavily policed from an anti-sex perspective even before puberty begins. Think of comments made towards young girls for just....existing honestly:

"Sit your lil' fast tail down somewhere." Sis was literally just wearing shorts on a 93 degree summer day.

"You too hot in the pants!" Lil' mama was just dancing and having fun.

"Put a sweater on. You're way too exposed." I mean...shorty can't help it if her breasts are larger.

Instead of lessons on self-worth, choosing the right mates, learning to love ourselves and our bodies, and/or how to navigate the dating world properly, some of us have been drowned in teachings on staying pure virgins soon as we pop out the womb. Indirectly sexualized and made into little trophies before our periods, before we even understand the concept of sex and sexuality. Don't tempt a man based off being a girl alone. Your body is not yours. As soon as you start growing boobs, hips, and a behind, you have become enemy number one. 

It's a wonder why so many women across racial lines have issues with their bodies, overall self-image, self-esteem, and even dating when we've been conditioned to see our existences as a nuisance from childhood. Instead of, hey I dunno tackling misogynistic and sexist cultural norms? 

The conversation Atlanta rapper turned pseudo-activist T.I. had on a podcast interview stating he attends gynecological visits with his 18 year old daughter to check her hymen proved me and my theory right. While it's understandable to protect girls due to numerous dangers in a very anti-feminine world, there's a thin line between protection and violation. 

On the contrary, T.I. has been called out for celebrating his thirteen year old son's sexual exploration. I mean are we really shocked? Sexism, misogynistic fueled double standards runs rampant across the world and many boys are coddled and prepped into toxic masculinity through premature hunching while girls are shamed for sex before they're probably even thinking about sex. 

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What T.I. did was violating and embarrassing on a massive scale. While bruh thinks he's doing his daughter a favor and protecting her, he's putting a social mark on her. It's bad enough lil' mama has to grow up seeing him be emotionally abusive to her stepmother on national television and in the blogs fifty 'leven times, but now he's brought he private health into the mix. In addition to my earlier comments connecting the lack of dating etiquette being taught to young girls in comparison to the overwhelming anti-sex teachings; even if T.I. is doing his due diligence in putting his daughter up on game, his behavior is still weirdly inappropriate and his repeat two-timing treatment of his wife Tiny is hypocritical and sets a negative example. 

All behavior like this does is create more of an opportunity for abusive, opportunistic men to attempt to take advantage. It also pushes her away from him. Y'all know the saying about strict parents creating out of control kids once they get one taste of freedom? You'd better believe it. This announcement has put her in a very vulnerable position as a young lady leaving her teens and going into her twenties. 

Our society is terribly, horrifically sex-negative, in my personal opinion from hypersexualism right on down to the prude scale for both men and women on differing levels. What T.I. (and parents like him) should have done *McDebra voice* is create a safe space for children like Deyjah to be able to talk to him and her mother about sex instead of invading her privacy and blasting it to the universe. 

Conversations about sex are of course awkward as hell with parents and children, but they're 100% necessary and how so many problems can be avoided. Having healthy conversations can definitely prevent premature teenage sex if done appropriately without accusatory energy and language. Too many parents see their children, especially girls, as little robots with no feelings or agency and underestimate how said conversations and treatments aid into the progression of adulthood. 

Whether you're religious or not, the concept of virginity, specifically for girls is way too pressed upon. It strangely supposed to represent the opposite of sex but it ironically adds to the sex-obsessed culture too. Oh and broken hymens do not equal to a popped cherry. This is why we need more sex-ed classes. 

That's all I got y'all, I'm tired. Peace.


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  1. I just don't understand why men don't sit down and STFU about a womans body. She is an adult and what she does with her body is up to her. She has a mother, step mother, Aunties, grandma and more. There is no shortage of women in her life to manage these talks. *rolls eyes* Also keep that same energy with your male children.

  2. I couldn’t agree more with Mimi’s comment! TI needs to go have several seats!!! SEVERAL!!!! I’m so tired of men trying to tell a woman what to do with their bodies!!!

  3. Agreeing with the other comments and distrubed that the other women in her life have not called him to the carpet for his behavior. He has constantly and consistently disrepected Tiny in public without so much as an REAL apology, he buys big toys and then they should all be grateful. I feel for this young lady, he took something that should be sacred and belong to her and put it out there for the world to see and comment on. HOW DARE HE!!!!! I can't take him or his conversation around this seriously because he has proven himself to be a liar, self-seeking, and a wanna-be! Prayers that one of the women in her life will guide her in the right direction and create a safe space for her to have this conversation.